Why It's Called a Breakup

by Amy Waterman, Relationships Expert

A few months ago, I read Greg Behrendt's book on breakups, It's Called A Breakup Because It's Broken. I am a huge fan of He's Just Not That Into You, and I expected great things from the sequel.

It disappointed me. Not because the information wasn't good. Not because the style wasn't lively and engaging.

It was simply because nothing was revolutionary.

He's Just Not That Into You revolutionized my perspective on dating. Friends who read it suddenly "got" why previous relationships had dissolved. Greg explains that the simple reason why some relationships stuck together and others didn't was because the guys who are really into you want to be with you ... no matter WHAT.

Why didn't he call after the second date? He just wasn't that into you.
Why did he dump you? Because no matter how he claimed he felt about you, he just wasn't that into you.
Why should you not want him back? Because breaking up with you proved that he's not into you as much as you deserve.

The latter is the entire topic of It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken.

How a woman deals with a breakup tests her emotional maturity more than any other scenario. In order to grow as a woman, you MUST learn how to deal with breakups well, without poisoning your ability to love again. That's why studying this topic is so important.

At Triple O Relationships, we receive emails from so many women wanting to know how to get their previous boyfriend back. In fact, it would be fair to say that getting an ex back is one of the top three issues women hope we'll solve.

The problem is that 99.9% of these exes aren't worth having back. Many of them are abusive, have a personal life in shambles, are already with another woman, or have proven through their actions that they're unable to act in a mature way in a relationship or make the commitment to trying to become a better person and partner.

Yet these women would prefer to be with an imperfect partner than to be alone. Of course they would.

We all prefer the demon we know. Being single again means facing the dating scene, the lack of someone to depend on, no one to cuddle with, and putting on false bravery to one's friends. It is stressful, lonely, and hard to be single. It's an emotional challenge to feel fulfilled when there is no "special someone" in your life to whom you can give the gift of your abundant love.

But Greg's answer to the situation isn't adequate, either.

In his book, Greg tells us, "You deserve better than that ex of yours. He just wasn't that into you; otherwise, he wouldn't have broken up with you. Never settle for that. Demand a man who's truly into you."

Is getting over a breakup really that simple?

I don't think it is.

Don Miguel Ruiz, in The Mastery of Love, explains that the amount of abuse we tolerate in a partner is equal to the amount of abuse we heap on ourselves. If a woman is used to telling herself that she's ugly, that she fails at everything she tries, and that she's not capable of performing in the world without someone holding her hand, then she'll accept--and even feel most comfortable with--a man who reinforces these beliefs.

For example, if your partner makes a cutting comment about the horrible dinner you cooked that night, and one of your beliefs about yourself is that you are a bad cook, then you will accept his comment and berate yourself even more for not being better in the kitchen. If, on the other hand, you feel quite self-assured about your competence in the kitchen, you will challenge him on it and refuse to let his rudeness slide.

As a result, many women find it difficult to set higher standards for themselves in the dating world without re-evaluating how well they treat themselves.

Women who have a litany of negative self-comments running through their heads will accept partners who criticize them.

Women who don't value or respect themselves will accept partners who don't value or respect them either.

So what should we do?

Greg does his best to pump up our self-esteem. He calls us all "Superfoxes." He wants all of us women grieving over breakups to believe that we are totally hot babes who deserve princes. But (to point out the obvious) Greg doesn't know each of his readers personally. Greg's belief that I am a Superfox isn't enough to transform whatever personal beliefs I have inside about myself.

The 000 Relationships perspective on breakups is much more simple. Yes, women need to improve their sense of self-worth. Yes, women need to set realistically high standards when choosing partners. However, the only thing that women need to know when a breakup occurs is this.

It wasn't meant to be.

Can I repeat that? It wasn't meant to be.

If he decides that he no longer wants to be with you, then clearly it wasn't meant to be.

Let me explain.

A relationship is composed of two people. When one of those people backs out, then there is no longer a relationship. Even if the two people decide at a later date to get back together, they aren't simply continuing the old relationship. That's over. They are starting a new relationship, with new rules, that may be completely different from what they had in the past.

The number one thing women need when a breakup occurs is faith that things are happening as they are meant to happen, according to the Divine Plan that the Divine Power has for each one of us.

For me, my faith in the Divine helps me accept when life takes a different path to the one I desire. It doesn't mean I'm fatalistic. On the contrary. When I am in a relationship, I am actively seeking to improve it, to be the best partner I can be, and to grow in love.

But I am in the relationship ONLY to give my gift of love and learn how to give that gift better. I am NOT in the relationship to ask for what I give to be given back to me.

Most people, unfortunately, operate on the barter principle of love.


I'll give you love if you give me love.

If I give you love that isn't returned, then you owe me.

If I give you love, and you throw it back in my face and walk away, then I have the right to hate you, because you're a bad person for not wanting to accept my love.



That's just plain ugly.

If you want to learn to face a breakup maturely and grow even more beautiful, more loving, and more open as a result, then this is what you need to do.

Love through the breakup. Love him. Love him even though he isn't yours. Send all your love to him as best wishes for his future. Use the opportunity to grow in love and embrace all that was best in yourself when you were with him.

Don't let the poison of the dying relationship enter your soul. Don't take away from the relationship the arguments, the hurtful things he said or did, and the mistakes made. You can forget those now. It's over.

Just take away the beautiful things. Take away how you felt in your best moments. Take away how you felt your heart open, how you learned to give him more than you'd ever given anyone else.

Then let him go with love.

I firmly believe that whatever happens, happens for a reason, and I trust that the reason lies in the Divine. I don't have to know why a man broke up with me; I simply have faith that God is leading us both down the right path for each of us.

So when a man breaks up with you, all you need to do is recognize that this particular relationship wasn't meant to be (even though you may start a new one later down the track with the same person) and let the decision rest with the Divine. Believe, if it helps, that he wasn't the one who dumped you; it was the Divine Spirit acting through him for the benefit of you both.

It's called a breakup because life has different paths for you at the moment. Breakups don't have to hurt. They're only about rejection if you make them about rejection. You have the power inside yourself to decide how you are going to make meaning of the end of your relationship.

If you are a mature woman, you will bid him goodbye and bless his future with all of your continued love, and then you will turn to the Divine and meditate on the what possible plan the Divine has for you that requires your new found freedom.

If you are like most women, you will despise him, transform all the love you once had into hate, focus on the pain, and let your self-esteem plummet in the face of rejection.

Which choice do you prefer?

Amy Waterman
Host of "How to Be Irresistible to Men"
Learn More at:
http://www.000relationships.com/tomen/

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About the author:

Amy Waterman is a professional writer specializing in attraction, dating, and relationships. She has extensive experience in helping women find love with her insightful and powerful secrets into attracting love and making relationships work. She is currently the host of the latest edition of "How To Be Irresistible To Men," which is part of the 000Relationships Network.

Her innovative program is a powerful instant-access multimedia course with a comprehensive supporting workbook. Additionally, members receive a number of bonus e-books on topics ranging from overcoming shyness to kissing, a 160-minute online video library, secrets of self-hypnosis, their very own personal email consultation, and much, much more! The "How To Be Irresistible To Men" Premium Course offers all women – single or not - a dynamic and comprehensive toolkit to attract love into their lives and establish strong and supportive relationships.

You can learn more about how to attract the man of your dreams and get the relationship you always wanted at:

http://www.000relationships.com/tomen

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Dont Wait How To Get Over Someone Fast

When a relationship ends, especially if you're not the one who ended it, how to get over someone becomes very important. It’s not always easy to get over a person you’ve been with, though. If you’ve been with that person for a very long time it’s even harder. It might be pretty easy to get over a relationship that’s lasted 3 months. But if you've been with someone for 3 years, it's hard to get over that person at all, let alone get over them quickly. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to speed up the process.

When you're wondering how to get over someone, sit in a chair in your living room or bedroom, wherever there’s a very strong sense of the other person. Remove anything that reminds you of that person a great deal. This isn't always easy to do, but every little bit helps. If you've bought a dog together, for instance, of course you won’t want to get rid of the dog. But anything your ex bought for you that’s on display like a knick-knack or something hanging on the wall would be a good thing to remove for a while.

If you have lots of things that will remind you of your ex, you're probably wondering how to get over someone without making your rooms completely bare. But even if you picked out practically everything together, you don’t have to remove everything to make this work. Just choose items that have particularly strong memories.

Maybe you picked out the couch together, but it's one of the throw pillows that you bought or the figurine on the end table he or she gave you as a gift that seems to make you feel sad when you look at it. Remove those items and store them for a while, just to make things easier on you.

If you’re having a really hard time and feel that you can handle it, you can think of all your ex’s bad qualities. Of all the methods of how to get over someone, this is the one where you actually think of your ex the most, so if just the very thought of them brings you to tears you might not be ready for this step. Think of the things you disliked the most about them. If you can’t thing of anything, just move on. But most of us can come up with a long list of things we dislike about someone, especially if they were the ones to end the relationship.

A popular method of how to get over someone is to simply start dating again. Many people balk at this idea—they think they still love the ex and aren’t ready. You can do this even if you’re still in love with your ex. No one says you have to fall in love anytime soon. But dating or even going out with friends isn’t just how to get over someone, it’s how to keep from feeling sorry for yourself while you try.

MAGIC OF MAKING UP

Get Guy Back After a Breakup

It can be a difficult time after a man breaks up with you. You probably don't feel or even act like yourself at this point. Life almost seems like it has lost its meaning with him in it. Maybe you want to get guy back.

Getting back with someone who broke up with you can be a very difficult task. For whatever reason, the other person decided that they no longer wanted to try and work things out. They just wanted it to end. It's usually easier to work out a relationship while you're still in it; as opposed to when it has ended.

With that being said, you can get guy back if he broke up with you. The most critical aspect to this is you are absolutely positive that getting back with him is exactly what you want. Make sure your motives for getting back with him are the right ones. Don't want him back just to have him back. Make sure that there are very good reasons why you want him back.

The second most critical aspect to get guy back is to realize that sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. Some people can make up and move on. Others, they just can't recapture the magic of the relationship they once shared. Even if you don't succeed you will know you did your best to get guy back.

If you want to get guy back, you must, and there is no room for negotiation on this, get your emotions in check. Guys do not want to be with women who can't keep their emotions under control. If you attempt to contact him while you don't have control of your emotions you may do even more damage. For example, if he was starting to miss you and think about you, but you contact him and you're an emotional mess, you may make him realize that his choice to break up with you was valid.

The best thing you can do is instead of worrying about what he's doing, or feel sad that you don't have him, is to start living your own life. You must prove to him that you can be mature about this breakup. Keep up with your daily routines. Do your hair nice, wear makeup, wear clothes that make you feel good about yourself. Hang out with your friends.

If you're staying active and living your life without bothering him, you will have a better chance to get him back. If you stay out of contact with him, no calls, no email, no text messages, nothing, you'll probably find that he will eventually call you, or get in touch with you.

When he does, just keep it brief. Tell him how busy you've been. Don't get mushy or gush out feelings for him. Act indifferent and aloof. This will confuse him. If he wants to see you again, make sure you look your best. Don't let him touch you or kiss you. Before you leave, if you want, give him a hug but that's it. This will drive him crazy. From this point, you should be able to get guy back pretty easily. Just take it slow.

As you can see, you can get guy back, you just have to get your emotions under control. Life your life to the fullest. Always look your best, because that will help you to feel your best. Back off, give him space. He'll most likely contact you and want to see you again. When he does, be a little bit of a tease. Make him work for your affections again.

GET MAGIC OF MAKING UP NOW!

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Ending a Relationship Breaking Up is Hard To Do

Does your to-do list look something like this:

· Walk dog
· Water plants
· Break up with significant other

Okay, while ending a relationship is hardly at the top of anybody’s calendar, the fact is that when a relationship has gone sour, someone has to make the move to end it. The truth is that many relationships last long beyond the “expire by” date just because breaking up is hard to do.

Sometimes a break up happens in dramatic fashion with clothes being thrown out of a second story window.

Other times, the relationship just peters out until someone says “it’s caput.”

How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither party gets hurt?

You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the romance. The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason. Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get honest. That means that in your discussion with your partner that you are true to yourself and to them.

Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup. In general, it is better to do it in person rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the relationship, you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.

Get into a state of compassion when ending the relationship. If you want to stay friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and compassion.

Don’t put your partner on the defensive. Talk about the things you’ve learned and the memories you will cherish that have come from your love. Be present during the break up. Your partner may become very emotional during this time. You need to respond to their needs.

Don’t take anything personally when ending a relationship. Your partner may say things they don’t really mean. Let these words roll off of your back.

Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship. Or, they may need space. Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.

But don’t let them make you feel guilty. You’re ready to begin a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex. It is best if you retain a positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.

Should you ever consider reconnecting? Does ending a relationship always mean “the end, close the book?”

That is something you have to decide. Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met. If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple.

Here's a book you can refer to if you considering to Making Up.

However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s best to end a relationship with a clean break and move on.